1. Really listen.
What’s the most natural opening? Use something you’ve read lately as a springboard. Ask what she thinks and then… zip it! Hear her out. Any mom of teenagers knows if you try to cram it all in, she’ll tune it all out. Keep the ball rolling later on: “I thought about what you said.” Let her know she can come to you anytime, and when she does, pay attention.
2. Forget Sherlock Holmes.
Don’t bother looking for clues, and don’t try to get her to rat on herself or her friends (“Do you think Amanda’s lost weight?” is not that subtle, mom). Instead, praise the positive: “strong,” “fast,” and “healthy” aren’t just ways to describe sons. “You and Carla did a great job running your camp! It takes stamina to run around after those kids all day.” “Good for you for signing up as a lifeguard again.”
3. Offer better role models.
Does she see you dieting or hear you complaining about your own weight? Praising a too-skinny-to-be-healthy bride? Put a cork in it. An ancient Jewish saying says, “Don’t look at the container, only at what it contains.” Find strong women who are leading the way with kindness and community involvement and talk about them in front of your children – that’s part of the conversation, too.
As for food – keep it holy. Add a family grace or thankfulness ritual to help her remember its source. Don’t try to control every morsel she eats. Instead, as Psychology Today says, “try to let it be, simply, food.”
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(photo credit: Bill Gracey)
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